Summer is supposed to be about fun, relaxation and family time together. Isn’t it? But in today’s 24/7 world where multi-tasking is king, the “lazy days of summer” can be anything but. If you’re a parent with young kids, finding time for romance can be next to impossible. Kids are at home. There are more activities to drive them to. And there’s more work at the office when everybody else takes vacation. So what’s a tired couple to do? The Sinclair Institute and bettersex.com offer these tips for finding play time for Mom and Dad – and putting the romance back into summer.
A Good Breakfast
Just like a healthy diet starts with a good breakfast, healthy romance and intimacy start with positive interactions right when the day begins. Greet your partner warmly. Show affection. Let him or her know you find them attractive – “You look great.” “You smell nice.” Make time for a touch and a kiss before the day’s to-do list begins. Most of us don’t have an “on-off switch” for romance. How you relate over the breakfast table sets the tone for the rest of the day. You want to create a kind, loving connection. So enjoy summer’s early morning sunshine – and don’t forget to share it with your partner.
Call Me
An important part of building intimacy is making your partner feel safe; they need to feel like they’re important and respected. So take a couple of minutes out of your busy day to call your partner or send an e-mail. Tell her or him that you’re thinking of them. Better still, put a special note in their briefcase or lunch – or post it on their mirror. Just say, “I love you,” and “Can’t wait to see you later today.”
Family Time
As kids’ activities wind down and the work day draws to an end, Moms and Dads can feel pulled in a million different directions. Finding balance and a chance to recharge are keys. First of all, don’t forget your partner. Say hello and let them know you’re glad to see them. Then you can begin to create a transition time that brings the family together and slows down the pace. It’s a chance to refresh and reconnect. After a simple summer supper, take some time to play a game together or share a good book. Just a little goes a long way. You’ll create a family ritual that’s relaxing and something to look forward to. And most of all, the kids will be calmer and ready for bed.
Dreamland
Kids need more sleep, plain and simple. And Mom and Dad need time together. That’s why setting – and sticking to – a regular bedtime is important for all. Be consistent and make it clear that by a certain time they have to be in their own bed. For older kids, you can agree that they have to be in their rooms, but either way, they need to know exactly what you expect. By setting this boundary, kids get the vital sleep they need, and parents get precious time to foster intimacy.
Fruits of Summer
After the kids are tucked in bed, Mom and Dad may both need a little time to themselves. It’s important to take that time, but then agree to get together to do something special. On a summer night, consider preparing a nice bowl of summer berries or a tasty fruit sorbet. Dim the lights and take turns sharing with one another. Focus on each other and nothing else. Fruit can be very sensual. And that little sweetness will give you a natural energy boost.
Cool Oasis
Another nice way to end the day is to create your own little oasis in the master bath. Run a warm bath, add some soothing mineral salts and light candles around the tub. Play some soft music, and enjoy a cool drink. Imagine the tropical breezes, and enjoy each other in the soft light. Light, sound and scent are all important paths to relaxation and sensuality. Take the time to set the stage and transcend beyond your daily routine. And if you need help selecting music that will set the proper mood, consider Aphrodisia, or other music collections available at bettersex.com.
Dancing Barefoot
Spontaneity is an important part of every relationship. But couples – especially parents – say it’s one of the hardest things to achieve. It can be as simple as turning on your favorite CD and kicking off your shoes. Gently reach for your partner, turn off the lights and dance together on the kitchen floor. (Or if you’re a little more adventurous, adjourn to the bedroom and kick off your clothes as well.) Just twirl, laugh and hold each other close. No special skills required. The closeness and rhythms of dance will erase the tensions of the day and boost your energy and mood. Then just see where it takes you...
Midsummer Nights
Warm summer nights have a magic all their own. Capture it by inviting your partner out on the porch. Turn off the lights. Look at the stars. Listen to the evening sounds and the rise and fall of your partner’s breath. That keen focus on your surroundings – and on your partner – keeps you in the present and frees up energy that can be enjoyed in many different ways. Take advantage of the warmth of the evening by retiring to bed with fewer clothes than in the colder months. Turn off the AC for a bit, lighten up your clothing and share a sensual massage.
A Little Spice
For couples juggling hectic schedules and end-of-day fatigue, it often feels easier to turn on the TV than to find the strength for intimacy. It’s important to keep lovemaking interesting and fresh. The first step is to talk about it – in a non-threatening way – outside the bedroom. One way to foster good communication is to share a book or watch a film to teach you new techniques and ideas. Try The Better Sex Video Series ®: Sexplorations which features real couples and provides step-by-step instruction. By watching with your partner, you open the door to a new level of communication and exploration that can lead to better lovemaking and a closer relationship.
Pick you up at 8
The idea of “date night” is not new. More and more couples are scheduling time to go out and enjoy a nice evening together – just like when they were dating. But there’s a new twist worth considering. In addition to planning “date nights out ‘, why not plan “date nights in.” Go ahead and arrange for the kids to visit friends or stay with a family member. Or better yet, work out a trade with another couple who has young kids. Set a time for your date to begin, allowing plenty of time for bathing, dressing and preparing. Then spend the evening in – enjoying some of the new things you’ve learned together.
Communicate, Communicate, Communicate
Communication is the key to intimacy – and to better sex. This can’t be emphasized enough. The more you can talk about your needs and feelings, the safer and more respected you will feel. Learn to listen and acknowledge what your partner is feeling; then make clear your own thoughts and needs. Be aware of the language you use and avoid words like “but” that can put up barriers and shut down communication. Most importantly, give yourself and your partner permission to be human. You don’t have to say or do things perfectly.
Garden Path
The last thing to keep in mind is that these summer ideas are just that – ideas. Use your imagination to create your own ideas for all seasons. Making time to reconnect, communicate and foster greater intimacy – and better sex – are all steps down a lifelong path. Remember, it’s the journey, not the destination that matters most.
The Sinclair Institute has been a trusted source for sexual health information and education for more than 15 years. In cooperation with a panel of leading health professionals, therapists and researchers from across the U.S. and Canada, the Institute is dedicated to helping couples achieve a lifetime of better sexual relationships. Institute videos feature commentary by sexuality experts, which is then explicitly illustrated by real-life couples who demonstrate key elements, skills and techniques in an honest, realistic and sensitive manner. For more information, visit bettersex.com or call 1-800-955-0888.
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